What Do You Do If A Client Doesn't Take Your Advice?
Some thoughts on recognizing the limits of your powers
An Author Accelerator book coach recently asked me this question:
How do I navigate situations where I’ve provided feedback using the mini Blueprint to help a writer friend improve their book, yet they proceed with publishing without applying the suggestions? Additionally, if I’m invited to their book signing but I feel the book hasn’t turned out well, how can I support them professionally while staying authentic?
I loved this question because — well, it reminded me of something my kids used to say when they were making up games and worlds as kids. One of them would assign the other a role and then that person would ask, “Okay, what are my powers?” But I also loved it because in terms of book coaching, it brings up so many points of learning.
1.) People won’t always listen to your advice. This is true in parenting, it’s true in friendships, it’s true in the office, and it’s true with book coaching.
A writer might not hear what you are saying — they simply might not get it. They might need to hear it three more times, or seven, or a hundred. This is how people learn. I have had the experience where clients didn’t hear what I was saying ever — and came back to me years later to say they finally got it. They heard it from someone else in some other context, and suddenly it clicked, and they thought, OH!!
They might not agree with what you are saying — they might decide that it doesn’t make sense for their project, which is, of course, their right. I have had the experience where someone didn’t take my advice (about when it was time to start pitching) and went ahead to pitch and landed a juicy two-book deal. I was dead wrong — and was delighted to be proven wrong.
I have also had the experience where someone didn’t take my advice (about when it was time to start pitching), went out into the marketplace, was shot down, and through that experience learned to agree with what I was saying. That, by the way, was far less delightful; it may sound like it would be fun (told you so??!!!) but it’s not fun to see your writers suffer.
Your writer might hear your advice and agree with it, but not implement it — because they didn’t prioritize it or they decided to be done before they got to it.
This is all part of the reality of being a book coach.
2.) Your powers are limited. It’s always good to remind ourselves that the writer is the god of their story. They are the god of their idea. The book coach is a collaborator on the project — a sounding board, a guide — but the project is not ours.
You don’t have the power to persuade a writer that you are right, nor should you try. You might not be right for one thing. Your role is to be curious, ask questions, make suggestions, have opinions and give evidence for why you are saying what you are saying.
Your goal is to help the writer to clearly understand what they want to say, what they want to write, and what they want to put out into the world. You do this by asking questions, pointing out evidence, mirroring back to the writer what you are seeing, holding them accountable, supporting them emotionally as they write, helping them strategically as they approach the marketplace. You don’t get to write the book.
If they choose to write a bad book (and yes, there are subjectively bad books published every. single. day), that’s their decision.
2. ) It’s important to recognize when a client is not taking your advice. This particular situation sounds like it was a one-off coaching moment with a friend, so there was no ongoing coaching relationship to manage, but if this were a paying client, you would want to make sure the writer is getting what they need from you, and that everyone is happy with the coaching arrangement.
Check in with yourself during every coaching call, and check in with the writer, too. If the person is enjoying the process, but just not agreeing with some of your advice, that’s perfectly fine, and no change is likely needed.
But if there is an underlying problem — if they don’t want to be coached or they don’t want to be coached by you — you want to address it as soon as possible. It’s hard to help someone who is not open to being helped, or who you find it difficult to coach. In this case, you want to consider ending the relationship. (See a post I wrote on firing a client HERE.)
3.) You absolutely don’t have to go to the celebration event. You don’t owe this writer anything, and it would be impossible to attend such an event and stay authentic. Buy a copy of the author’s book to support them as a friend, offer them congratulations on publication, but stay away from the event itself.
Podcast News
🎙️ Be sure to listen to the #amwriting podcast episode I did with Jane Friedman about the release of her new edition of The Business of Being a Writer. It’s a good one! Listen HERE.
🎙️ Also KJ Dell’Antonio and I launched a limited edition series of podcasts on the #amwriting podcast episode where we are talking to each other each week about the books we both just started writing. Hers is her fourth novel, mine is a new book about writing. It’s fun! Listen HERE.
Awesome post, Jennie!