The Art of Asking

Why you need to be prepared to ask for what you want and need and why you need to practice asking

I’m back from a vacation where I actually unplugged (!) and have much to say about that in upcoming newsletters — can a book coach ever stop thinking about books?? Just before I left, something happened that made me think about the art of asking…

Photo by Sue Carroll on Unsplash

The Art of Asking is the title of one of my favorite books. It’s by Amanda Palmer, the musician, and it is an exploration of why people in general and creative people, in particular, are so bad at asking for what we want and need, and how she got better at it.

It’s a memoir, it’s a manifesto, and it never ceases to inspire me.

The lessons of that book have stuck with me for years — partly because the title is so memorable and good. I think of that title and I immediately think of the lesson from the story. But it’s also stuck with me because the lessons are constantly useful.

When we do small group breakouts in the Author Accelerator book coaching community, I often ask people to share with their fellow book coaches one thing they need or want. I do this so we can practice being put on the spot, and articulating what we need and want.

It’s a skill to know what to ask, to be brave enough to ask it, and to be open to receiving the support that might come to you.

Here is why practicing the art of asking matters:

I recently finished doing an interview for the #amwriting podcast with a bestselling writer about how she made it through a thorny problem in her about-to-be-published novel (follow the podcast at amwriting.substack.com to find out which author and what we talked about — the interview is coming in May.) I don’t know this writer particularly well — although I know a lot about her — and when the recording stopped, we continued to chat.

This was a moment for me to thank the writer for her time and to ease out of the more formal recorded interview, but out of the blue, she asked, "What do you need? What can I do to help you?"

This was a wholly unexpected and generous invitation, an open door, an outstretched hand.

And you better believe I was ready!

I knew just what to ask for — and my request led to a brainstorming session where we came up with some great ideas for a potential panel, webinar, or training we might do together.

Will you be ready when this happens to you? Do you know what you need help with?